How Bulimia Consumed Me

By Olivia Tan May Shyan

 

“You’re fat.” These were the words uttered by my gymnastics teacher when I was 11 years old. Growing up, I was trained in ballet, ice-skating and gymnastics and did it passionately from the age of seven until 14. I loved the classes so dearly, so I took my lessons seriously and obeyed my teachers as a good student would.

There was only one problem – I was the biggest among my other classmates in all three sports. The pressure to lose weight started to affect me negatively, and it didn’t help whenever my teacher, a friend or a relative teased or commented on my weight.

I started wanting to lose weight, to fit in and to fit the petite frame ballerinas, figure ice-skaters and gymnasts have. To put it bluntly, I felt ugly and fat so I started throwing up food that went into my body.

Throughout my teenage years, I would describe myself as having a yo-yo diet. As soon as I discovered that throwing up your food was an option to staying thin, I suddenly found myself sticking the back of my toothbrush down my throat so I would throw up. It eventually became a solution I resorted to whenever I felt like I ate too much or hated the way I looked.

 

 I became thinner and thinner, and clumps of my hair fell out due to the lack of nutrients in my body and my complexion turned pale. Friends and family noticed and asked how I suddenly lost weight. My answer was always “puberty.”

I finally recovered from bulimia when I was 18 and garnered a newfound love for food. It’s like I made a wonderful discovery about food in all its glory and couldn’t stop eating. To say the least, I started putting on weight, and was definitely a little chubby, but so happy that I no longer feared food.

During that time, I started modelling and had to control my weight but I never chose bulimia as a method to lose weight again. Instead, I exercised a lot, had a personal trainer in the gym at one point and ironically, was eating more than I ever did before.

Fast forward to this year, when I was in Miss World Malaysia, I started working out rigorously on a daily basis with a strict but healthy diet. I did surprisingly well in the competition, placing fourth runner-up and winning two subsidiary titles, Miss Popular and Miss Photogenic.

In conclusion of my story, my dream is to educate people of the effects of eating disorders, and to tell people my story so that they don’t go through what I did. As I write this, I’m proud to say that I just had fried chicken and nuggets for dinner and I am happy now that I can consume food, without letting food consume me.