Book Review:
THE DEFINING DECADE : Why your twenties matter and how to make the most of them now
By Aliaa binti Baharudin
The “thirty-is-the-new-twenty” belief trivializes our twenties as years that don't matter. Some even say that they are the “throwaway years”. Dr Meg Jay, a clinical psychologist, investigates this misconception by interweaving psychological research and behind-closed-doors stories from her twenty-something clients to prove that the twenties is in fact the most defining decade of adulthood.
This thought provoking but easy to read book tackled popular ideologies of twenty-somethings like, “There’s still plenty of time”, “I’d rather wait than choose”, “I’ll think about that when I’m 30” and “Everybody on Facebook has a better life than me.” Dr Jay teaches twenty-somethings how to ideally dispel these false assumptions with cold hard truths on how the real world works.
I saw my friends or myself in many of Dr Jay’s clients. There are so many twenty-somethings, like Ian in the book, who feel as though they are treading in the ocean, unable to see the shore. This metaphor connected me the most with the book. It felt reassuring that I wasn't alone and that there was an author that was shedding some light on this situation. I found myself nodding to her clients’ point of views, as well as the new approaches the author offers on how to make logical life decisions to achieve success in the workplace and personal relationships.
The book explores three main themes: work, love and the brain and the body. Dr Jay provides great insights on work and I found this section most accessible and relatable. Work discusses collecting identity capital, the importance of "weak-ties acquaintances", the deep realization that we actually do know what we want to do with our lives and how Facebook comparisons are unhealthy and damaging.
Love, on the other hand, talks about the value of taking dating seriously in your twenties, the importance of compatibility with possible in-laws, making sure "living together" isn't just about convenience, and how you do choose your family by choosing the right person to spend the rest of your lives with.
The brain and the body focuses on how your brain, body and mind work and how they can affect your decision-making. This section also revealed a lot of neuroscience research I wasn't mindful of. Dr Jay explains that the frontal cortex which controls our mature reactions such as managing emotions is still developing for those in their twenties. Besides that, she also touches on how to master your mind on matters such as calming yourself, gaining confidence and how it is possible to diminish your negative feelings by changing even the smallest parts of your life.
The essential message that Dr Jay is trying to convey through all the stories and chapters is to begin living your life responsibly with the little time that you actually have. Though from time to time it’s fine to goof around, but twenty-somethings must keep in mind that the late night parties and random hookups won't define who you are or what you remember in the future. Instead, it’s the investments you make in your twenties that will have the greatest impact in your career, marriage and true happiness in your thirties and beyond. And The Defining Decade is the book that will guide you there.
Source: www.hachettebookgroup.com